Last night I was watching something with a friend. The plot involved a young adult who had a promising future as a musician (playing a convincing rendition of Moonlight Sonata at 8 years old) but ended up addicted to drugs and living on the street. This prompted my friend to say something to the tune of “it’s so sad when people fall in to the wrong crowd”.
I agreed, but then had a random thought aloud. “Do you ever think perhaps ‘the wrong crowd’ is the wrong crowd because we judge them so?” She didn’t quite understand what I meant, and to be fair that isn’t the clearest way I could explain it. I’m going to try and unpack that sentiment here.
I’ve long felt that we are all products of our environment. There’s always hope to escape a bad situation, but largely, the way you are raised and experience life in your formative years has a big part in how you live the rest of your life. And I often wonder how much damage we do to children and teenagers when they act out, or do dumb teenager stuff, and say things like that.
Like “oh, they’re in with the wrong crowd”. Oh, my friends are bad? Maybe I’ll be bad too. And this turns into a sort of cycle where this one is offended and acts out, so then the others are judged for being with that one, and they are offended, and so on. Now I’m not saying every teenaged person is going to do this sort of thing. I’m also not saying that every delinquent can be explained like this – some really do just turn out that way.
But wouldn’t it be nice, instead of judging them, to try and understand the underlying reasons why someone is acting that way, and try to help them find a better way? Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do as Christians, or Britons, or Muslims, or Americans, or … whatever identity group you belong to? Let’s think back to our hypothetical ‘wrong crowd’. What if, instead of saying “it’s so sad when people fall in to the wrong crowd”, my friend had said “I wonder what caused him to feel drugs were a good option”? What if we, as a society, thought harder about the sources of our shared ills?
“They fell in with the wrong crowd” is impersonal. Othering. Devoid of a willingness to help. Really, devoid of even the ability to help.
“What made them start drugs?” is personal. Connecting. Allowing of a story to be told, of issues to be discussed. Extending of respect, of care.
I don’t know if shifting how people think of others like this would actually change anything. But in this moment, in 2026, where I see so much division, so much angst, so much loneliness – I sure do wish we could try.