Am I really ready to say this in public?
…am I really ready to feel this at all again, after everything I’ve been through?
Yes to both. I am happily in a It’s Complicated. I don’t know what to call him, other than “my sweetheart”, but he’s simply the best thing that has happened to me in a very long time. I had to take my lunch break early today because I was daydreaming about him instead of actually writing code. Yet, I’m also able to use those feelings to get myself to work better and faster, because I know what I’m coming home to, so it’s best to get it done right and get it done quick so I can do just that…
I’ve known him for a while, and I think I started catching feelings a little before we actually were talking about it, but I had shut that all down in my head. Someone like me, with my history, doesn’t easily feel those things again.
Or at least I didn’t think I did. Turns out I am very happy to feel love and romance again, it just takes the right animal to feel them with. He’s loving, attentive, sweet, and genuinely cares about me in the way I care about him.
Reciprocity, as the great Lauryn Hill said. I genuinely wasn’t sure I’d ever find it. And I have, dear reader, I have. And it is the most magical, wonderful feeling in the world. To feel loved. To feel equal. Equal. That is something I have, sadly, never experienced before…
I told myself I’d wait until the initial butterflies left before writing this article. Sometimes, you can feel those little butterflies, but they don’t mean anything. They are just a little crush and then you move on. Those butterflies have gone, and in their wake I feel joy and peace and comfort.
Do you know what it takes to have a Dalmatian like me feel comfort with someone?
I do now. It takes a wonderful, caring, devoted man, that makes me feel like every stupid thing is going to work out fine, because as long as we’re together, how could it not? And both of us have agreed that we might not be “forever” material, but we want to see where this goes, where it takes us, and no matter what, we’re going to remain friends.
And I can’t imagine anything better than that.